What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
