I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
