Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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