Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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