bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
