the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
