Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
