Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
