Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
