I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
