Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
