i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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