Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
