Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
