ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
