wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
