As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
