We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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