I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
