i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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