Got a toothbrush?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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