if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just pee around me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
