69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
