Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
