i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
