??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize