That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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