They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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