is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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