uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
