Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
