I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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