I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
