i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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