what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
