I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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