i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize