Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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