Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
