She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
