I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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