Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
