She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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