1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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