I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
