based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm too high and old for this...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
