We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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