So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
