I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
