areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
