I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
