I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
