I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
