Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You are a genius and a whore.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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