This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
