I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
