I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
