rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
