she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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