everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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