I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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