id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
