Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize