i may or may not be watching the land before time
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
