I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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