ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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