the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
