I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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